I quit my job.
It was terrifying, and exhilarating and utterly perfect.
After a year and some-odd months of feeling like I was being hunted by a frothing dog--
or sleeping with a cinder block on my chest--
or trapped in a bunker--
or being slowly poisoned--
I quit my job.
It feels so INCREDIBLE to write it, I'll do it again:
I quit my job.
The details of where I worked and for who are not important. But what IS important was the realization that I wasn't being treated as a whole person: the crawling fog of manipulation, harassment, negativity and disrespect was constant and beginning to suffocate and steal parts of my life. Big parts.
Disordered eating. Anxiety attacks. Strained Relationships. Deep real Depression.
Being asked to bark like a dog (literally, not figurativly), repeatedly being reminded that I was human garbage, hours and hours and hours a week with no possibility of advancement.
"You wouldn't want to loose your health insurance would you?"
I became a girl I didn't recognize: afraid, testy, exhausted and hopeless. It was agonizing to watch other girls I worked with being driven into the ground and loose their light. It occurred to me that this is NOT what my molecules were arranged to do. You've got to be your own hero. My guts told me it was time to go.
But what will you do? Who's going to want you? This is a premier venue?! What are you doing?!
You've got to be your own hero.
Long story less long: it was a messy break up. My employer is a bitter ex.
I had no real plan. I just needed to escape THAT moment. I was going to quit and see what happened.
Put some trust out there. Kittens always land on their feet!
And so I was disconnected from the mother ship: floating around in orbit.
Feeling strange and disoriented.
So myself and I had a chat:
"You okay? All arms and legs accounted for?"
Yeah, yeah I think so. What now?
"Take control of your life. Say what you need. Get what you want.
If your dreams are freaking you out that's perfect. It means they are big enough."
Alright. Let's do this...
This is the exciting part--
My previous employer was a dream to work for: respectful, creative and encouraging. I was proud of the brand, missed the team and was armed with new skills and weapons to kick my life up to the next level.
So I called him.
We had a meeting.
I invented the job I wanted.
And I am being paid to do what I love.
At the beginning of the week I was hunched over and sure I was one shower away from being homeless and a few days later I am surrounded by support and walking into this sparkling life full of writing and friends and roadtrips and summer time...
Remember summer time?!
AWESOME THINGS HAPPEN IF YOU ASK.It's going to take time to heal and build:
and I can't wait.
This career move ALSO means I will have more time to bring you Muffins all of the HerSpeak goodies that have been patiently waiting to be made: ecourses, new books, paintings and EVENTS.
I like to imagine them anxiously waiting in sketchbooks: "Come on coach, put me in! I'm ready!"
The wave of Gratitude washing over me is overwhelming:
like being walloped by a wet happy dog kiss from the Universe.
And I am grateful for each and every one of you who stops by the fort to read or comment, encourages me and has helped us build something special and powerful.
When I am upset and struggling, I remember you are out there.
And when you are upset and struggling, I hope you remember I'm out here too:
Wishing you the Best.
Knowing you can do it.
Pulling for you.
We're in this together, cupcakes!