Hello Honeybees--You can't know how much I've missed you and this space where we share ideas. I've been off working long hours, preparing for shows, making records and pushing out new pieces which has left me little time for the blogosphere. Over the past few weeks I've had a heavy mind. One of the predominating vibrations has been gratitude.
and that sometimes, it's really fucking hard.
A majority of my job involves working with overgrown brats--people who never hear "no" and believe that the solution to every issue is to smother it with money. Most of my clients treat me like hot garbage and everyday the disparity between the haves and have-nots grows wider and wider.
Some of my clients refuse to consult with me or are distrustful of my skills because I am a woman. (I'm not inferring that, they have been kind enough to tell me so.)
I am BIG. You are Small.
Eat. Or be Eaten.
Eat. Or be Eaten.
It's these moments where gratitude is difficult--excruciating even. So I've reached the conclusion that one can be grateful: Thank you for this job. Thank you for this food. Thank you for this coffee...while at the same time, expecting more. Expecting to be treated decently. Expecting that better things will come.
I wanted to share with you and assure you, that if you too are struggling with thankfulness in what sometimes feels like the never ending shit-storm of cynicism-- you are not selfish, or coming short in anyway. I'm pulling for you.
I am thankful for all of my readers and supporters. Thankful for a dry place to curl up and sleep. Thankful for the gypsy caravan people I love. I am thankful for space heaters and grocery store bouquets and Patti Smith records. I am thankful for cat snores, the way city lights look pink in the winter, warm whiskey and tiny dogs in sweaters.
I am thankful for you. <3
What do you do when you are struggling with gratitude? What are you grateful for RIGHT now?