Grattitude: Sh*t's Harder Than It Looks

The sun coming through my window this morning...

Hello Honeybees--You can't know how much I've missed you and this space where we share ideas. I've been off working long hours, preparing for shows, making records and pushing out new pieces which has left me little time for the blogosphere. Over the past few weeks I've had a heavy mind. One of the predominating vibrations has been gratitude.

and that sometimes, it's really fucking hard.

A majority of my job involves working with overgrown brats--people who never hear "no" and believe that the solution to every issue is to smother it with money. Most of my clients treat me like hot garbage and everyday the disparity between the haves and have-nots grows wider and wider.

Some of my clients refuse to consult with me or are distrustful of my skills because I am a woman. (I'm not inferring that, they have been kind enough to tell me so.)

I am BIG. You are Small.
Eat. Or be Eaten.

It's these moments where gratitude is difficult--excruciating even. So I've reached the conclusion that one can be grateful: Thank you for this job. Thank you for this food. Thank you for this coffee...while at the same time, expecting more. Expecting to be treated decently. Expecting that better things will come.

I wanted to share with you and assure you, that if you too are struggling with thankfulness in what sometimes feels like the never ending shit-storm of cynicism-- you are not selfish, or coming short in anyway. I'm pulling for you.

I am thankful for all of my readers and supporters. Thankful for a dry place to curl up and sleep. Thankful for the gypsy caravan people I love. I am thankful for space heaters and grocery store bouquets and Patti Smith records. I am thankful for cat snores, the way city lights look pink in the winter, warm whiskey and tiny dogs in sweaters.

I am thankful for you. <3

What do you do when you are struggling with gratitude? What are you grateful for RIGHT now?


Angela said...

One way that I've found makes it easier when dealing with "those" kind of people is to "Namaste" them in my head! Or out loud if you really want to throw everybody for a loop :) Just thinking it in my head, reminds me that they are human & have some kind of issue that is NOT about me, and more importantly, that I have an inner divinity that needs to be honored.
I am grateful poetry, iced coffee, my sweet dog, and mockingbirds with all their sweet songs!

Anishinaabekwe said...

I currently have my paycheck job (not a purposeful/life work job/or job that applies to my education, skills, talents) where I work around all men. I feel sick much of the time because they are trades workers with low low low consciousness and energy. They drink, smoke, cheat on their wives, are sexist and racist. I have to do my job and serve them. I have 2 males I like in my life ~ my Dad and brother. I live a pretty Goddess centered, womyn centered life. Some people could say that I am doing this job for learning of my soul or healing of bad past relationships with partners/lovers. I say no, its darn triggering and I feel like my brain is dripping out of my head at work.

Okay... with all that being said... I am thankful for my lil' apartment, cat, brain, talents, skills, etc! I love running, the forest, connection to my Native roots and culture.

This is a good, right on time post for me! Thanks!!!

Suzie Ridler said...

I am so thankful for you and this post! I have been worried about you. I'm silly that way but yes, you have been on my mind. I kick all those who were mean to you in their metaphorical shins with my psychic abilities, especially the person who doesn't believe in your skills because of your gender.

Gratitude is so hard. We've been getting bad news left, right and center (I can't blog about it, too personal believe it not) and might end up kind of homeless in the next year or so. I am grateful for the house that I have now because it is clear, I'll never have a room of my own again. That's the best I can do. Thank you for that kick of generosity to my ass!

Shell said...

Right now, I'm grateful for my new family, my new laptop and the delicious ice cream and ginger cookies I just ate.

To get some of that nasty energy away from you..do a freezer ritual. On a piece of paper`, write the names or qualities of the people who are disrepecting you at work. Fold up the and freeze it. I done this about three times in work situations. It worked for me.


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