4.24.2011

Top 4 Great Girl Band Myths: Resist Psychic Death!

Hello Daisy-faces!* I've got a bit of shocking news to share with you: After an unfortunate exchange with a fellow musician it became clear to me that even in the year 2011-- in the age of PJ Harvey and Patti Smith worship-- that womens musical contributions are still perceived as superficial and insignificant.
"Man, f*ck this riot girl sh*t...now if any of these bitches were lookers this might be tolerable." --Local Jerkface reacting to a Girl Band.

What?! So without further ado Kittens, with fresh-out-the-oven frustration I bring you my list of Great Girl Band Myths:

[Myth 1] Girl Bands are synonymous with shitty musicianship. A woman's role in a rock band is marginalized because smart, talented women are scary. (Have you seen them?? They're monsters!) The Girl Bands that rise to the surface of mainstream music are often produced in a way that appeals to the mass market: the bland, safe, lowest common denominator 3 minute radio cut. We've been sold on the notion that Girl Bands exist only as two dimensional sloppy knit-and-bitches caught on tape.

[Myth 2] Girl Bands aren't smart enough to compose their own music.
Girl Bands need male musicians in their band to validate their project. If you are an all-girl-outfit you are pigeonholed as Josie and The Pussycats slumber-party crap or conversely: raging militant bulldykes who eat dudes like Cheetos. Girl Bands exist because their boyfriends were established musicians first. Women are smart enough to run for the presidency but are clearly incapable of grasping the perplexing concept of "guitar". By the way: Florence and the Machine boasts being on the Top 40 charts for 65 consecutive weeks and one of the best selling records of 2009 and 2010. Pretty good for a brain-dead bimbo. :)

[Myth 3] If your Girl Singer is too pretty, you aren't legit. If you're Girl Singer isn't pretty ENOUGH you're lambasted. Some of the greatest rock and roll singers in history are possibly the most unfortunate looking humans: Lemmy, James Hetfeild, Steven Tyler, Mic Jagger (still sexy). Their material was judged on it's ability to kill crowds and dominate your turntable: not by the circumference of their thighs or lack of lip gloss. Female musicians must lead a double life as impossibly approachable-pretty-but-not-too-pretty-sex kitten that rock...but not to hard...but not too soft...but not too loud...but not too hot...but not too cold...

[Myth 4] Girl Bands that go mainstream are sell out whores.
Every red blooded human loved No Doubt: when Gwen Stefani went out to take what was hers by doing what she had been doing all along except this time on her own, she was suddenly scorned by her fans for being a "sell out whore". You know what's even scarier than a talented woman? A savvy business woman. When men do this, we call it genius: We call it money.

So what do we do about this, ladies? How do you feel about the double standard? Let's talk about it.

1 comment:

Suzie Ridler said...

I have mourned the status of women in music for ages. I miss the tough women music of the 90s which was replaced by Brittany Spears who ruined everything. We, as a female nation, have been trying to pick up the pieces ever since. I just bought the latest Hole album and am hoping it helps put me back together. I used to care about music but there is so little substance I rarely listen to anything anymore. I would love tough female music to come back. And *heart* you all the more for asking. You are an inspiration, keep singing!

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